How am I supposed to relax, drink my beloved java, and peruse the ads in in the newspaper with this ridiculousness?! Look at this chick.
First of all, how many women actually match their bra to their undies? Right now at this very moment I am wearing a black and white striped bra and Spongebob underwear. No lie. I just checked. Spongebob is awesome and it seemed fitting to buy said underwear since the show takes place in Bikini Bottom. The show was asking for Spongebob themed undergarments when they named the town so therefore I am unashamed, mostly. The only time I ever care about matching my skivvies to my bra is if I’m attempting to have sexy time. NOTE TO SELF: Find matching Spongebob bra. The mister will go crazy, or divorce me… it would be a coin toss.
What is she wearing on her arms? Is that a sweater? Why is it only on her elbows? She might as well not wear a sweater at all. She could donate it Goodwill and some young thug who’s out poppin’ tags could get it for his grandmother. That would be much more useful for everyone involved. What a plot twist it would be if this ad was promoting the sweater and not the intimates. “This sweater makes you feel so sexy you can’t wait to get out of it.” I’m sold.
Does anyone walk around the house in their underwear IN THE WINTER? Maybe this broad lives in Florida or Texas but the other 90% of us are freezing our asses off. I don’t even walk around the house like this in the summer. What if a Jehovah’s witness knocks at the door? I’d have to run upstairs and grab a robe just so I can listen to why I should join their cult. Just kidding. I never answer my door. It’s 2014. Trust no one.
You want to know what I’m wearing right now as I drink my coffee? THIS.
Warm pants, a hoodie, and a messy bun. And I’m super comfortable. Much more comfortable than Miss Lingerie. That’s officially her new name.
If JC Penney’s wanted to do an underwear ad, why not in a bedroom or even a bathroom? I just can’t comprehend walking around the kitchen half-naked with a mug in my hand. What if I spilled hot coffee on myself? They should put a warning on this. WARNING: Do not try this at home. May result in burnt nips and scalded hips.
Miss Lingerie, you’ve inspired me today to be a better person. From now on when I wake up I’m going to blow out my hair and put on makeup before anything else. I will never again take my underwear for granted. I’ll turn it into outerwear and prance around while I drink hot beverages. Hire me, Penney’s! You know you want it.