Fits of Wit

Shamrock Shake Selfies

I suppose I should begin this post with HAPPY SAINT PATRICK’S DAY, BITCHES!!! …but I’m not going to sincerely wish it because barely anyone even knows why we celebrate the holiday. In America we just use it as an excuse to drink, like Cinco de Mayo. With that being said I do hope that you enjoy your green beer and have fun pulling your hammered uncle out of the pub.

Lately, all I’ve been seeing on social network sites are photos of either A. Someone’s hand holding a Shamrock Shake, or B. A selfie while holding a Shamrock Shake. I had to investigate and see what all the hubbub was about. I asked around and everyone acted like drinking a Shamrock Shake was like having Leonardo DiCaprio in your mouth. I was intrigued.

I got a bitchin’ haircut on Saturday then stopped by McDonalds to pick up the green concoction. The lady at the register didn’t seem surprised at all by my request. She kind of rolled her eyes and was surely thinking “I can’t wait until March is over so I don’t have to make these mother fuckers anymore.” I waited until I got home to take a sip because I wanted to give it my full attention… like I would for Leonardo DiCaprio. Call me, boo.

Upon arriving home I turned on the television to Spongebob and got comfy on the couch. I was anticipating the first sip being this thick, minty vanilla flavor. I ended up being disappointed. “THIS is what people are gushing over?!” I thought. The shake was more like foam than like ice cream. I think I’m used to hand-spun milkshakes with chunks of peanut butter, chocolate, etc. This just tasted like someone poured milk and toothpaste in a blender. Gross.

I don’t mean to offend. We all have different tastes. For example, I LOVE black olives but I know many people who despise them. That’s fine. More for me.

NOTE TO SELF: Go buy black olives because now I’m thinking about them and want to eat an entire can. But then the husband would probably think I am a freak for eating an entire can at once so maybe I can blame it on a burglar. I can tell him that olive burglars have become more popular lately because trade value is sky high currently for olives on the black market. I’m a genius.

Anyways… I would not recommend Shamrock Shakes to anyone who enjoys a really thick, chunky milkshake made with real ice cream. You’ll be disappointed. I do however recommend enjoying all other St Patty’s Day traditions because you only live once. Drink Jameson, get wasted, and wear a kilt while “accidently” bending over in front of your arch nemesis.

I did manage to get a douche-tastic selfie out of the process.

I don't know what's worse... the shitty shake or my duck face.

I don’t know what’s worse… the shitty shake or my duck face.

In honor of Saint Patrick’s day I’ll be ordering Chinese food and doing laundry. I’m also going to talk in an Irish accent for the rest of the evening to annoy the hell out of my husband. Party hardy, friends.


  1. ashlynsully

    You seriously cracked me up

    1. FitsofWit

      Thank you! Hope you celebrate like a leprechaun with tap shoes!

  2. bensbitterblog

    That wasn’t quite a duck face, but close. As far as the Shamrock shakes, if they would put real life leprechauns in them, they would taste better. Also adding a little gold at the end of the rainbow would help too.


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