Valentine’s Day is this Saturday and I admit I’m not the type of girl Hallmark and florists cater to.
When it comes to flowers I prefer buying my own year round to decorate the kitchen table. I despise lilies and cringe at generic red roses. I enjoy a medley of chocolates packaged in pretty red hearts ONLY if they are Hershey’s Pot of Gold Nut Assortment. So what is my husband to do when he has to buy something for a picky wench such as myself? It’s actually quite easy.
Last year he gifted me the classy half dozen pictured below.
Now I can’t speak for all women but I think I speak for a select few laid back chicks when I say you can’t go wrong with a card and girly booze. Tie a big bow around a bottle of wine and your Valentine’s Day will be oh so fine.
One of my food weaknesses is doughnuts. So it will come to no surprise that this Saturday I will be heading to Dunkin Donuts to buy a few of these bad boys. Tear a doughnut heart in half and give one side to your sweetie. Or you know, do what I do and NEVER SHARE DOUGHNUTS EVER BECAUSE THEY’RE LESS THAN A DOLLAR A PIECE, YOU FUCKING CHEAP SKATE.
And lastly, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, fellas. What does your girl want even MORE than sweets, booze, flowers, jewelry, etc? She wants to brag to the world that she is not alone on Valentine’s Day. Take a selfie with her, let her doodle hearts all over it, and share on social media. Odds are your boo wants to share with her friends that she’s with an actual human and not digging in a dumpster for discarded cucumbers that she will later name Prince Eric.
Are you also a gal who enjoys gifts other than flowers and candy? Are you planning on wearing Fifty Shades of Grey lingerie? Are you offended that I know all about your plans with Prince Eric? Do you loathe Valentine’s Day completely and want to tell me to piss off? Please share in the comments below.