Fits of Wit

10 Inappropriate Places To Distribute Business Cards

In three weeks I’ll be attending my first blog conference. Upon researching exactly what one does at these conferences, I discovered that handing out business cards is a pretty big part of the experience. And so I made a shit-ton of mint green cards plastered with my face on one side and contact information on the other.

It got me thinking. Other than at the conference, where are other places I can distribute business cards? Coffee shop cork boards and libraries seemed the most obvious answers. I wanted to think outside the box, too. Because really, no place is off limits for distribution of a 2×3.5 inch piece of card stock. Or is there? Are there places too inappropriate to self-promote my silly little site? Yes, yes there are.

 

10 Inappropriate Places To Distribute Business Cards

 

1. A stripper’s g-string

Although Sisqo does approve.

Although Sisqo does approve.

 

 

2. Inside a sandwich, hidden under the lettuce

Eat up AND READ MY BLOG!

Read my blog or CHOKE ON IT.

 

 

3. At a funeral

giphyfuneral

“That open casket could fit several hundred cards…”

 

 

4. The church collection basket

Even Jesus won’t love me anymore.

 

 

5. To a homeless man

homeless

Give the homeless what they REALLY want. Oral sex.

 

 

6. In a glass of wine. Surprise!

Actually, I kind of like this idea.

Actually, I kind of like this idea.

 

 

7. To a bunch of kids at a bus stop

Even kids know a narcissistic dick when they see one.

 

 

8. To Megan Fox

tumblr_mcfi527mPU1ririjeo1_500

So if Megan needed business cards, what would they be made of?

 

 

9. Through the crack of a public bathroom stall

“I see you’re pooping. Need some reading material?” *Hands over business card*

 

 

10. On my own blog, naked. Most definitely NOT altered in any way.

Sex sells. Let’s collaborate.

 

 

Today is the last day to register for the 2015 Blog U Conference. If you’re in the Baltimore area and interested, click the Blog U photo below for information.

blogu

Click me!!!

 

***all gifs found at giphy.com

 

23 Comments

  1. Mike G.

    Just a thought, but on #5 you can safely drop the “homeless.” You can trust me on this.

    Thanks for making my day with the GIF on that.

    Reply
  2. FitsofWit

    You mean ALL men enjoy fellatio? !
    *mind blown*

    Reply
    1. Rokkie @ Please Be Chocolate

      I’m crying!

      Reply
    2. Mike G.

      I know that it’s hard to swallow but it really is true.

      Reply
      1. FitsofWit

        Well that sucks.

        Reply
  3. Pottsy

    I think if you are giving the wine away for free with the business cards then number 6 might not go down so badly (or does that just make me sound like a raving alcoholic?)

    Reply
    1. FitsofWit

      I can barely swallow an Advil but hey, go for it! LET ME BE PART OF YOU.

      Reply
      1. Pottsy

        You could roll up the card and use it as a straw, because nothing says classy like drinking wine through a homemade straw!

        Reply
        1. FitsofWit

          I like your style, Pottsy.

          Reply
  4. ercatalano10

    Hilarious! I will accept your card at the appropriate venue, BlogU, but I will strive thereafter to show it an inappropriate time.

    Reply
    1. FitsofWit

      May we all strive as hard. I’m all for more ideas to add to the list.

      Reply
  5. bensbitterblog

    Megan Fox is afraid of paper? Awesome. I can’t wait to show her my 400 page book!

    Reply
    1. FitsofWit

      As long as it’s not a Transformers script I feel like she’d be willing to read through the debilitating fear.

      Reply
      1. bensbitterblog

        Might she even show up at your conference to take a card of yours? Then you would have the most famous follower since me.

        Reply
  6. Mindy

    Hahaha the bathroom stall would be terrifying

    Reply
    1. FitsofWit

      For some reason the “ello poppet” makes it even more creeptastic.

      Reply
      1. Mindy

        Hahaha yes, it does actually.

        Reply
  7. the home tome

    The concept of handing these out through the bathroom stall doors was really just the nudge I needed to finally order some biz cards…so thank you. This is how I will be giving mine to you, fyi…

    Reply
    1. FitsofWit

      I accept your offer.
      #toocloseforcomfortroomies

      Reply
  8. Phil Taylor

    I completely disagree with all of these. There’s never a bad time for a good laugh. And no. 1 is definitely where I put those cards. All my other followers are strippers. Aren’t you? The picture after no. 10 kind of suggests you might be.

    Reply
    1. FitsofWit

      I believe the term for taking off your clothes these days is being a “free spirit.”

      Reply
  9. Joe Buonfiglio

    I hate to disagree with you, but some of my best clients have come from pushing my biz card through the crack of a public bathroom stall … at a funeral … while blogging naked … well, except for the G-string I borrowed from Megan Fox.

    Reply
  10. famousashleygrant

    This post wins the internet. Love this in so many ways. Now I wish I could have one of your business cards. LOL 😀

    Reply

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